What a Fool Believes

Cardinals Elect New Pope: Pope Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos the I

VATICAN CITY — With a splash of Fire Sauce from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel and to the cheers of thousands of hungry faithful, a gathering of Catholic cardinals picked a new pope from among their midst on Wednesday — choosing the cardinal from Taco Bell, the first Doritos Locos Tacos to ever lead the church.

“I would like to thank you for your embrace,” said the new pope, dressed in a delicious Cool Ranch shell, from the balcony on St. Peter’s Basilica as thousands cheered joyously below. “My brother cardinals have chosen one who knows how to live más!”

“Good night, and have a good rest,” he concluded, in a zesty, flavorful tone.

“Yo quiero Taco Bell!” members of the crowd shouted, waving Cinnamon Twists and Nachos Bell Grandes. Others cried, “Viva Gorditas!”