Remember that scene in Aliens when Paul Reiser tries to downplay the aliens to Ripley and so Ripley grabs Paul Reiser by the lapels of his bureaucrat-on-company-outing ensemble and is all like, “Goddammit, Paul Reiser, this ain’t my first rodeo, you fuck!” and Paul Reiser sings, “Mad about you, mad about you / Lost in your eyes, reason aside / Mad about love, mad about you, you and I” and Ripley goes, “Who do I look like, Helen Shitting Hunt?” and Paul Reiser’s like, “I’ve never heard someone use “Shitting” for that. Usually it’s “Fucking”.” and Ripley slaps him across his priggish mug and says, “You skim-milk-filled robot sonofabitch! You would have qualms about that, wouldn’t you?” and just before Paul Reiser can respond with another smug comment, an alien comes scuttering across the ceiling towards them like a cockroach on a P90X regimen fueled by a Shakey’s All-You-Can-Eat Buffet of steroids and gamma rays and Ripley tosses Paul Reiser aside to pick up a machine gun/flamethrower combo and fill that alien’s bod full of lead and flame until it bursts like a water balloon, acidic goo melting holes in the walls and floor, and then Ripley puts down the gun and yanks Paul Reiser back up by the hair and screams, “What did I tell you, you second of two dads turd?” and Paul Reiser, oh man, you know Paul Reiser, “Mr. I’m-An-Important-Representative-Of-A-Mega-Space-Corporation” just can’t keep his stupid craw closed and says, “Actually, I had top billing so therefore I was the first of the two—” and Ripley just punches him in his android guts and lets him fall to that perpetually-slimy grated flooring and then in comes Corporal Hicks with a healthy amount of swagger and goes, “Sarah, we have to go. There’s a terminator come to kill you before you can give birth to the savior of the human race.” and both Ripley and Paul Reiser are all like, “WRONG MOVIE. TRY AGAIN.” and Corporal Hicks deflates and mutters, “Not again.” and as he turns around another alien is waiting for him, juices dripping from its second grinning mouth, and Corporal Hicks goes, “Aw, gimme a chance, James Cameron!” and James Cameron’s voice, thundering down from the heavens, proclaims, “Just this once, Michael Biehn.” and then Corporal Hicks exclaims, “HUZZAH!” and shoots the alien through its second tiny mouth and then Ripley says to Paul Reiser, “That’s what you are in the My Two Dads universe, the second, tinier, slimier mouth.” and Corporal Hicks is like, “Nice one!” and Ripley and Corporal Hicks high-five one another and there’s a single skim-milky tear flowing down the plastic cheek of Paul Reiser?
That scene was awesome.
