What a Fool Believes

Wha’cha thinkin’ about, Baby Santa?

-Is it how you’re gonna figure out who’s been naughty and who’s been nice with your tiny, unformed infant brain?
-No.

-Is it how you’re gonna eat all those cookies when you haven’t got a tooth in your maw?
-No.

-Is it how you’re gonna deliver all those presents when you consist of nothing but a head, a pair of arms, and a couch cushion?
-No.

-Then what is it, Baby Santa?
-Well, I was just wondering, if I’m giving all the presents to everyone, who’s giving presents to me?
-AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. What would you want?
-A fully-formed brain, some teeth, and the rest of a body would be nice.
-Ok. I know a guy.
-But I want cool ones.
-Cool how?
-Like I want my brain to be half computer, my teeth to be like a shark’s, and my body to be an F-14 Tomcat.
-Really?
-Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?
-But you’re supposed to become a jolly fat man with a big white beard and rosy cheeks.
-That’s the old Santa. Baby Santa is a new Santa. A future Santa. A bad-ass Santa.
-Wow. Ok. Where did you get such ideas, Baby Santa?
-I watch a lot of movies.
-You ever seen RoboCop?
-Duh!
-Cool.
-So are you going to talk to that guy for me?
-Another guy, actually.
-Is he naughty or nice?
-One more than the other.
-If he helps me out, I’ll overlook the one so he doesn’t receive a stocking full of Sidewinder missiles.
-That’s what you’re gonna do to the naughty ones?
-Oh yeah.
-Baby Santa, I gotta admit, I didn’t see this talk going this way. I just thought there would be some dumb jokes and your unbearable cuteness.
-Baby Santa is a game-changer.
-I’ll say. Well, Baby Santa, I’m gonna go talk to that guy.
-You don’t wanna hang out or something?
-Like afterwards?
-Sure.
-What do you want to do?
-I started watching Friday Night Lights.
-Me, too!
-I’m on episode eight, I think.
-Me, too!
-Cool.
-I’ll come back and we’ll watch it then.
-Can you bring some milk?
-Yeah. Anything else?
-Nah.
-Alright. See you later, Baby Santa.
-Bye-bye.