July 2011
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Remember That Scene
Remember that scene in Lionheart after Jean-Claude Van Damme’s brother and fellow U.S. Senator Claude-Jean spontaneously combusts during the debt ceiling negotiations and Jean-Claude goes AWOL from the Senate and wanders around the capital and cries tears the shape of fists that pummel the ground and leave two canyons in his wake and he goes to the Senate parking garage to get into his...
Dirty Dancing Country
I was wading on the shores of Lake Lure, doing the mambo with an inflatable turtle to “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”. When the smooth voices of Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes faded into the night, I dipped the turtle one last time before ripping its throat out. As air poured from the turtle’s gaping wound, I screamed out into the waters, “Patrick Swayze! ...
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