T.G.I.F. because it’s time for Fun Facts!
- If you purchase a five euro Flanders red ale with a ten from a bar in Brussels whose walls are papered with posters of Jean-Claude Van Damme films and the bartender hands you back two-and-a-half syrupy waffles, yes, that’s your change. In Belgium, though the euro is accepted, the common form of currency is the waffle. So when you get those two-and-a-half syrupy waffles, don’t think they’re a complimentary snack to go with your Belgian ale. Instead, hold on to them so that you can use them to buy a t-shirt that reads “I Went to Belgium and Bought This T-Shirt with Two-and-a-Half Waffles! And It Even Has a Picture of Jean-Claude Van Damme on the Back!”
- You’re not going to turn those recycled Game Boys into a robot. Please, just throw them out already. Don’t get me wrong: I admire your ambition. A Game Boy Robot would be “super-sick” and, if not a “giant leap for humanity”, certainly an intriguing stutter-step. But your girlfriend is going nuts over the piles and piles of Game Boys that “seem to be breeding” throughout her apartment. And if I, her co-worker, can’t lighten things up with a golden Tribbles joke, you’re just out of luck, pal.
- When planning a visit to the local credit union for your banking needs this March, make sure and try to visit on the 6th. Every March 6th, credit unions across the country remove the contents of all unclaimed safe deposit boxes and offer them up as the winnings for the victor of the Credit Union Safe Deposit Box Psychological Abuse Marathon. Any mentally robust and/or viciously misanthropic credit union members who are willing and able can enter the contest. For the member who isn’t wheeled out emotionally annihilated but the last one standing, they will win all of the safe deposit box contents. Last year, JoAnn Maysles of Forest Lawn Community Credit Union went home after thirty-four hours with such prizes as $300 worth of treasury bonds, two wedding rings, a worn black and white photo of a woman on a beach, seven keys, unceasing maniacal laughter and a thousand-yard stare.
- This year’s Academy Awards will not be hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway, as previously announced, but by “Janne Francaway”, a sort of Frankenstein’s monster of one half of each actor sewn together, which James Franco claims to be his “greatest piece since my performance as ‘Franco James’, a James Franco-like graduate student at an Ivy League school who puts on a one-man show called, ‘James Franco in a Romantic Poets Class’.”
- Next time you’re on Oboe Row, the New York City neighborhood populated by nothing but establishments featuring the double-reeded woodwind, biting into that deep-fried oboe and collard greens entrée at one of its many restaurants, dazzle your date with this little-known bit of oboe lore: Antonio Vivaldi, composer of fifteen oboe concertos, was the first person to use the instrument as a drink garnish and, thus, responsible for that Sloboe Gin Fizz that they’re enjoying. When your date raises the glass and exclams, “Thank you, Vivaldi!”, don’t be such a humble 333-year old. Say, “You’re welcome,” Vivaldi.