January 2010
25 posts
A Discreet Scolding
When my wife pulled into the driveway behind the wheel of a brand new Chrysler Sebring Convertible I thought, Here it is, the beginning of the end. I rushed out the front door to find her grabbing large shopping bags with French surnames printed upon them out of the backseat. Her hair was styled, her makeup expertly applied and her nails immaculate. She took off a pair of designer sunglasses...
Peacekeeping
I exited the men’s store satisfied with my purchase. The pair of navy chinos fit comfortably and would certainly be an acceptable addition to my work uniform. With my necessity purchase out of the way it was time to find a bonus purchase. Something to serve as both a reward to myself for getting a new job and as an offset to the obligatory chinos.
“That’s it?! You...
unsustainable2-deactivated20111 asked: I was promised a cat show. Why is there no cat show?
What a Fool Believes' Answer Factory and Cat Show! →
Did you ever want to know why garden gnomes are plotting to murder you? Why grass doesn’t taste like hair? What late ‘70’s films I watch nude, my feet in a tub of raspberry preserves? My favorite color?
Then What a Fool Believes’ Answer Factory and Cat Show! (a/k/a the Ask page) is the place for you!*
*By clicking on the above link, visitors enter at their own risk. ...
Who Do Voodoo?
One day, when I was like 6 or 7, I created this small, elaborate contraption to perform magic. Specifically, a disappearing act. Like all great magic-generating contraptions built by children, it consisted of items readily available: a shoebox, some baseball cards, an elastic belt, colored construction paper, an art gum eraser, and a house made of Legos. The setup was fairly simple. The Lego...
Fool Do Voodoo.
It’s 1:30 AM on Saturday morning and I’m bored so I decide to use the voodoo doll a friend gave as a gift from a recent trip to New Orleans to take a funny/creepy photograph. I set the scene: tipped over chair and wine bottle, square of light from another room, and a knife on the floor next to the standing voodoo doll. It’s great - even though I left the power adapter for the...
God Tries to Talk to Pat Robertson About Haiti →
Back on January 13th, televangelist Pat Robertson said on his show “The 700 Club” that the recent earthquake in Haiti was due to the country being “cursed” by a “pact to the Devil” made by its founders. Most were appalled by this statement and wondered how anyone could say something so insensitive. Our spies at the Christian Broadcasting Network - founded by...
Interview-Like Substance: Kevin Fanning
Hello and Welcome to another episode of Interview-Like Substance! I’m your host What a Fool Believes.
Today on the Substance our guest is writer Kevin Fanning. Kevin, working out of Cambridge, MA, likes “to write about celebrities and internet culture and technology and relationships” and does it damn well. He has been writing on the Internet since 1998 on sites of...
Haley Joel Osment Attends an Afrobeat Show →
A new short story by yours truly based on actual events. Enjoy!
The Knife: "Colouring of Pigeons" →
If you have yet to listen to “Colouring of Pigeons”, an eleven minute song by The Knife, from the opera Tomorrow, In a Year, a studio version of which is being released in March, I highly recommend you do so. It doesn’t sound much like anything else out there but it’s still undoubtedly The Knife. There are classical elements, operatic vocals - including a little...
Quarantine the Past: Guess the Track Listing... →
Despite the fact that I bitched about how unnecessary a Pavement compilation was - because one should have absolutely everything by them - I just spent the last few hours painstakingly selecting the twenty-three tracks I thought would be on their Best of compilation, Quarantine the Past, as well as their order, for this contest on the Matador Records Matablog. It was a tough but fun challenge.
What a Fool Believes' 10 New Year's Resolutions... →
I’m breaking one right now! (Arrivederci, Silvio! Mmwwhahaha!)
