October 2008
50 posts
http://www.freewebs.com/badassbat/ →
Trick or Treat?
“The wind picked up and he thought he could hear a voice calling his name....”
– Trick or Treat?
(Full story)
“As she burned, Bloody Mary screamed a curse at the villagers. If anyone...”
– Trick or Treat?
(Full story)
Trick or Treat?
Trick or Treat?
Happy Halloween all you ghouls and goblins!
To celebrate this fun holiday of costumes, candy, scares and dares, I will be posting items that ask this day’s famous question: Trick or Treat?
Will the post be like going to the rich neighborhood and getting a full-size Snickers bar or will it be like finding the born-again Christians house and receiving a pamphlet on Jesus and a greasy...
Spooktacular Satires too Ghastly to Post
Son of a witch!
The insufferable Ghost of Writer’s Block has visited me, my friends!
As the clock counts down to Hallow’s Eve, I’ve been trying desperately to write a ghoulish satire, to consecrate this wicked jubilee, but all of my demented ideas have proven to be too ghastly to post!
Mummyfudger!
But wait!
“Too ghastly”? What am I saying? What could be...
Virago's Halloween Treat →
Virago is a “noisy, domineering, or quarrelsome woman”. It’s also one loud bitch of a rock ‘n’ roll band.
On December 9, 2008, Virago will release its debut, Gena, a seven-song EP that shares its name with the beautiful woman on the cover.
Gena is a fuzzed-out, noise-soaked, rock ‘n’ roll maelstrom that appeals to one’s primal pop...
Amy Poehler & Will Arnett On the Way to the...
This past Saturday, Amy Poehler, the Upright Citizens Brigade and Saturday Night Live member, and Will Arnett, the Arrested Development and 30 Rock scene stealer, had a baby boy named Archie.
Here’s what happened on their way to the hospital.
Scene 1
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Arnett/Poehler Residence, New York
Amy Poehler lays prostrate upon a velour sofa, burgundy in color. Atop...
“Hi,
Thanks for taking part in the Buy Early Get Now program for Brighten The...”
– Expect a list of qualms, Matador!
“Hey?”
Who’s that?
“It’s your conscious, silly!”
Oh! What’s up?
“Why are you getting so worked up about this delay?”
Um, DUH! I love Pavement! Shouldn’t you know that? Being in my head and all?
...
The Falling Stars of Sleepwalkers
Those of you who watched last night’s episode of Mad Men undoubtedly noticed, with much chagrin, the appearance of Brian Krause in the bit part of “Jensen”, a Californian hot rod grease monkey.
Those of you who watched the first half of this season’s Gossip Girl undoubtedly noticed, with much chagrin, the appearance of Madchen Amick in the small role of...
1 tag
How You Can Be Livin' the DuckTales Dream: The...
Step 11:
Now that you’ve acquired all of the proper tools (an enormous amount of gold, a home/bank vault, pince-nez, cane, and three adorable nephews), start Livin’ the DuckTales Dream!
Because life is like a hurricane. Torrential rain, hellacious winds, roaring thunder and bolts of lightning assaulting you every single day. But just as there’s a calm center in the eye of a...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
How You Can Be Livin' the DuckTales Dream: Steps 9...
Step 9:
Now that you’ve established yourself, you need a look. Unfortunately, this is one area where you cannot rely on the gold standard set by Scrooge McDuck. He’s a duck, you are not. Therefore you’re going to have to wear pants and something other than Uncle Scrooge’s plush red velvet sock dickeys.
There are still two items that you must adhere to, and begin your...
1 tag
The Heart of Rock-n-Roll Is Still Beating: A Huey...
foryourpleasure:
No one would ever dare argue that Huey Lewis was an authentic voice of the 80s. But then again, who was? Huey was just Huey and the News were just five semi-geeky dudes who wanted to play music, sing fantastic harmonies and make sly, comedic turns in most of the band’s videos. Huey made us believe that he serendipitously ended up a pop star. He made us believe that any...
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
“To be Livin’ the DuckTales Dream, one must have an equal appreciation for...”
–
From Scrooge McDuck’s memoir/philosophical guide Livin’ the DuckTales Dream
1 tag
1 tag
How You Can Be Livin' the DuckTales Dream: Steps 1...
Step 1:
Create a service that buys scrap gold (rings, chains, bracelets, dental work, etc.) through the mail.
(This step may take several months, but be patient. There are many citizens across the country who are more than willing to send you, what they believe to be cheap gold, for cash. You, naturally, will provide them with a cash amount equalling 1/100th of the value of the gold.)
Step...
1 tag
The Tornados: “Telstar”
As the...
“A man connects with a rare herd of Arizona mustangs and exposes a government...”
– This, of course, is the synopsis, according to TVOKAY, of ABC’s hit show Lost.
“This is just the book to give your sister if she’s a loud, dirty, boozy...”
–
Dylan Thomas on Flann O’Brien’s novel At Swim-Two-Birds.
This remark, by the great (metal and bone imagery-loving) poet, possibly the greatest review I’ve ever read, can be found on the back cover of the book, eclipsing praise from the likes of O’Brien influence/fellow...
Passion Pit: “Cuddle Fuddle”
Last...
TumblrRumbls: "I.A." Season One Ends
TumblrRumbls, the famed Tumblr media news site, just finished reading the final episode of the season for the critically-acclaimed surreal mystery/comedy series, Internal Affairs. It was a cliffhanger! Or rather, conference room-hanger! (???)
After a string of hilarious episodes highlighting the idiosyncrasies of the Director, the action picked up with the appearance of a flirtatious...
Internal Affairs
Episode 11: Sublimation
An Office
Friday, 5:30 p.m., early April.
Row of open cubicles across from a doorway to a conference room. Stevens sits at his desk studying the computer screen before looking up and staring at the large plant on the conference room window sill. He repeats this action twice more, shakes his head in frustration, and then quickly types something into the computer. While...
Internal Affairs
Episode 10: Shots
An Office
Friday, 10:05 a.m., early April.
Row of open cubicles across from a doorway to a conference room. Stevens sits at his desk yawning while studying the Director’s symbols. He lifts his head and rubs his eyes for several moments. After a thorough rub, he opens his eyes on the plant sitting on the conference room window sill, and shakes his head.
Stevens: I...
