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"What seems to be is always better than nothing."

The documentation of TOTAL CARNAGE by Josh Luft

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Nov
20th
Fri
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Nov
19th
Thu
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I just spent twenty minutes with Make Me Mighty.  My dinner is now cold, I have to rewind the movie I was watching, my grandchildren’s heads are lodged between the balusters, and a tornado has just destroyed the town but I don’t give a rat’s ass because this site is Fun with a capital Fuck Yeah!
Other Mighty Names:
Viscount Joshua Z Luftgon, The Berserker: The Face-Raking Giant
Czar Joshua Z Luftgrim, The Cyborg Ancient: Azure Genie from the Dunes of Desolace
Count Joshua Z Lufttrix, The Dragon Whisperer: Crimson Wolflord from the Craters of Darkhollow
Doctor Joshua Z Luftlor, The Master of Illusion: Human Asteroid from Beyond the Dogstar Cluster
Viceroy Joshua Z Luftios, The Legionaire: Python-Handed, Cobra-Faced Macabre Sub-Creatüre
Please refer to me thusly as one of the above.
Thanks to Doctor Alexandra Ewinghawk, The World Smith: Fiery Archfiend Liege from Whence Babies Dare not be Born and Empress Victoria Johnsongon, The Skyforger: Human Asteroid from Beyond the Dogstar Cluster for the link.

I just spent twenty minutes with Make Me Mighty.  My dinner is now cold, I have to rewind the movie I was watching, my grandchildren’s heads are lodged between the balusters, and a tornado has just destroyed the town but I don’t give a rat’s ass because this site is Fun with a capital Fuck Yeah!

Other Mighty Names:

Viscount Joshua Z Luftgon, The Berserker: The Face-Raking Giant

Czar Joshua Z Luftgrim, The Cyborg Ancient: Azure Genie from the Dunes of Desolace

Count Joshua Z Lufttrix, The Dragon Whisperer: Crimson Wolflord from the Craters of Darkhollow

Doctor Joshua Z Luftlor, The Master of Illusion: Human Asteroid from Beyond the Dogstar Cluster

Viceroy Joshua Z Luftios, The Legionaire: Python-Handed, Cobra-Faced Macabre Sub-Creatüre

Please refer to me thusly as one of the above.

Thanks to Doctor Alexandra Ewinghawk, The World Smith: Fiery Archfiend Liege from Whence Babies Dare not be Born and Empress Victoria Johnsongon, The Skyforger: Human Asteroid from Beyond the Dogstar Cluster for the link.

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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Brian Eno and The Winkies: “Baby’s on Fire (Peel Sessions)”

The Here Come the Warm Jets version of “Baby’s on Fire” is a methodical, menacing and all-consuming scorcher by audio arsonist Brian Eno with the help of Robert Fripp whose volcanic guitar solo sprays the flame and magma that fully ignites the track.

This Peel Sessions version, recorded in 1974 with The Winkies, a pub rock band who Eno brought with him on a tour in support of Warm Jets, is a much more playful affair.  Nearly all of the menace of the album version is replaced with mischief, glam and sex.  During the solo, rather than imagining Eno stalking his prey, a more fitting image would be of him writhing about, much like he did a year earlier during live shows with Roxy Music, lasciviously twisting knobs to “treat” the guitar of Phil Manzanera.  It’s the smoking-hot sound of Eno as the Space Vampire Art Rock Superstar, a layer of him which melted away soon after only to reveal the myriad layers (Ambient Pioneer, Visionary Producer, Oblique Strategist, etc.) beneath.

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Nov
18th
Wed
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Talking Heads: “Artists Only”

I’ve always found the line “I’m cleaning my brain” from the Talking Heads’ “Artists Only”, off of the 1978 album More Songs About Buildings and Food, to be a great metaphor for the creative process. 

Creating a work of art is often like rummaging through the closets and drawers of the mind, extracting ideas and concepts.  Once one has the ideas and concepts out, one has to sort through them for what’s worth using and what should be trashed. 

Though I don’t know whether it was his intention or not, I’ve always taken David Byrne’s advice about the importance of brain-cleaning.  Ideas, if left too long, strewn about the floor or in piles, turn into messes which can cause one to be unable to discern the junk from the treasure and thus, either everything gets trashed or one allows the mess to grow and fester, like one of those monstrously-cluttered homes on A&E’s Hoarders, driving one mad.  But if one keeps the brain clean, all the ideas remain neat and ordered and one can utilize them more efficiently for aesthetic purposes.

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Nov
17th
Tue
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Luxor HotelFront DeskBellhop: Let me take those bags for you, sir.What a Fool Believes: Ramesses the Second?They begin to walk to the room.Bellhop: Yes?WaFB: You’re a bellhop?Bellhop: Yes.WaFB: But you’re a pharaoh!Bellhop: Was a pharaoh.  Friggin’ economy.WaFB: Seriously?  But what about all those jewels?  The gold?  The statues?  The pyramids?Bellhop: We sold the jewels and gold to Goldkit.  That got me a couple hundred bucks to keep Anubis away from the wife and kids.  The statues got repo’d and the bank foreclosed on the pyramids.WaFB: Are you kidding?  But don’t you have an army that could have stopped all of that?Bellhop: I did but once they built that new Super Walmart outside of the Valley of the Kings they all left because Walmart actually pays their slaves.WaFB: That’s terrible, Ramesses.Bellhop: Tell me about it.They reach the room.WaFB: Say, when does your shift end?Bellhop: Eight.  Why?WaFB: Well I’m here in Las Vegas on business and I don’t really know anyone.  I heard there’s some strip club with this beautiful new dancer and thought maybe you’d care to join me?Bellhop: Sure, alright.  What’s the new girl’s name?  Maybe I know if it’s worth our time or not.WaFB: NeferTi-Ti?Bellhop: That’s my wife!WaFB: Oh my god!Bellhop: I’ll kill you!WaFB: I’m sorry, I didn’t know!Bellhop: I’m just messing with you!WaFB: Oh!  You got me, Ozymandias!Bellhop: Yeah, let’s go to the club.WaFB: You sure?Bellhop: Yeah, of course.  I won’t have to pay for a lapdance!End.

Luxor Hotel
Front Desk
Bellhop: Let me take those bags for you, sir.
What a Fool Believes: Ramesses the Second?
They begin to walk to the room.
Bellhop: Yes?
WaFB: You’re a bellhop?
Bellhop: Yes.
WaFB: But you’re a pharaoh!
Bellhop: Was a pharaoh.  Friggin’ economy.
WaFB: Seriously?  But what about all those jewels?  The gold?  The statues?  The pyramids?
Bellhop: We sold the jewels and gold to Goldkit.  That got me a couple hundred bucks to keep Anubis away from the wife and kids.  The statues got repo’d and the bank foreclosed on the pyramids.
WaFB: Are you kidding?  But don’t you have an army that could have stopped all of that?
Bellhop: I did but once they built that new Super Walmart outside of the Valley of the Kings they all left because Walmart actually pays their slaves.
WaFB: That’s terrible, Ramesses.
Bellhop: Tell me about it.
They reach the room.
WaFB: Say, when does your shift end?
Bellhop: Eight.  Why?
WaFB: Well I’m here in Las Vegas on business and I don’t really know anyone.  I heard there’s some strip club with this beautiful new dancer and thought maybe you’d care to join me?
Bellhop: Sure, alright.  What’s the new girl’s name?  Maybe I know if it’s worth our time or not.
WaFB: NeferTi-Ti?
Bellhop: That’s my wife!
WaFB: Oh my god!
Bellhop: I’ll kill you!
WaFB: I’m sorry, I didn’t know!
Bellhop: I’m just messing with you!
WaFB: Oh!  You got me, Ozymandias!
Bellhop: Yeah, let’s go to the club.
WaFB: You sure?
Bellhop: Yeah, of course.  I won’t have to pay for a lapdance!
End.

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Nov
16th
Mon
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The Fall: “Wings”

One of the most awesome experiences I’ve ever had was just over five years ago when my cousin and I got to see The Fall play two shows in one day.  The first show was a brief evening set at the now-defunct Virgin Megastore in Union Square and the second at Northsix - now the Music Hall of Williamsburg - in Brooklyn.

The Virgin Megastore was easily the last venue I’d ever expect Mark E. Smith and his crew to play at, but they did - and for free no less.  In what was normally the cafe area of the Megastore, we all waited for Mark E. to slither in.  Even the band.  They had all tuned up and were ready to go but there was no Smith.  As we watched the rain pour down through the window behind the stage, a cab suddenly pulled up in front of the entrance and out came Mark E. Smith.  With a pint in his hand.  (Just kidding.  I think.  Sometimes I dream up scenarios involving Mark E. Smith and his daily activities and I confuse them with reality.)  As soon as he got to the mic the band kicked in and performed a thundering set which included the juggernaut that is “Blindness”.

Later that night the band played a show at Northsix.  This show required tickets and we did not have any.  However, when we knew the show to be going on, we decided to go over there.  When we arrived we walked right into the venue and watched the show.  Literally.  There was no one around the ticketing area.  No guards in front of the door.  Nothing.  We just walked in and watched roughly half of their set, which included, again, “Blindness”.  It was incredible.

Now the only thing that could have made the night even better is if we could have hung out with the band afterwards at a pub much like the one featured in this video for “Wings”.  We’d drink pints and listen to Mark E. Smith go on venomous tirades about politics, football and the music scene, charmed by his curmudgeonly ways.  Thinking we were a decent lot, he’d then ask us to join the band and we would try and play it cool despite clutching our skulls in an attempt to keep them from exploding.  We’d finish the rest of the tour, grinning as he fiddled with the levels on our amps every night during the shows, and then be fired.  It would be sad but how sad can one be who was a one-time member of The Fall?

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Flipper: “Sex Bomb”

The best parts of this video for Flipper’s “Sex Bomb”, from 1982’s Album - Generic Flipper, are not the footage of the explosions at the Trinity Test Site, Bikini Atoll or Hollywood(?), but the footage of the mundane preparations for these explosions.  Yes, of course Will Shatter’s caterwaul and the sludgy, perpetually-on-the-cusp-of-complete-shambles noise punk groove are well-suited to the shots of nuclear explosions.  But the song also goes well with the footage of men on docks loading the bombs or guiding bombers on the runway, and with the footage of the old Naval officers hanging out on the bench casually watching the proceedings.  These men work with nuclear weaponry after all.  They cannot listen to James Taylor while handling metropolis-leveling ammunition.  They need music that’s just as incendiary and powerful as those bombs.  They need Flipper.

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Nov
13th
Fri
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Do you need a musical duo for a birthday party, wedding, corporate event, singles mixer, happening, sci-fi convention, or combination food/religion festival?
Do you need the members of said duo to play an acoustic guitar and an accordion?
Do you need the duo to surf into/out of your party/event/mixer/convention/etc.?
No Problem.

Do you need a musical duo for a birthday party, wedding, corporate event, singles mixer, happening, sci-fi convention, or combination food/religion festival?

Do you need the members of said duo to play an acoustic guitar and an accordion?

Do you need the duo to surf into/out of your party/event/mixer/convention/etc.?

No Problem.

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Heart: “Never”

You know what can make a Friday even better than it already is?
Getting something you didn’t even know you needed.

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Whoopi's Birthday

Whoopi Goldberg’s Home
Kitchen
What a Fool Believes enters.

What a Fool Believes: Happy Birthday Whoopi Goldberg!
Whoopi Goldberg: Who the hell are you? 
WaFB: Just a man who wants to wish you Happy Birthday.
Whoopi: And how did you get into my house?
WaFB: Robin Williams let me in.
Whoopi: Robin Williams?!
WaFB: Oh shit.  Was that a surprise?
Whoopi: We gotta go.  Now.
Robin Williams: (From another room.) Ohhhh Whoooopiiiii???  It’syourbirthdayandI’mcomingforyaorshouldIsayI’lltumbleforyaboygeorge?morelikegirlgeorgewuzzawuzzawuzzaAHWHOOGA!gjqpqhpiopqjifpiajviopfjiop!!!
Whoopi grabs the hand of What a Fool Believes.  Flash of light.
End Scene.

Desert
Flash of light.  What a Fool Believes enters.
A golden lamp lies in the sand.
What a Fool Believes looks around the desert.

WaFB: Whoopi?  Whoopi?  Where are you?
The lamp begins to shake.  What a Fool Believes steps back from it.  A cloud bursts forth from the lamp.
WaFB: AHHHHHH!!!  AHHHHHHH!!!
Whoopi Goldberg emerges from the lamp.

WaFB: AHHHHHH!!!  HELLLLP!!!  AHHHHH!!!
Whoopi: Stop screamin’!  It’s me, Whoopi.
WaFB: Oh my god, Whoopi!  I thought you were Shaquille O’Neal and I had been transported to the film “Kazaam”.
Whoopi: I wish…
WaFB: Wait!  You’re a genie?
Whoopi: You ever seen “Sister Act” and “Sister Act 2”?
WaFB: Yes.
Whoopi: Well how would you describe those two films?
WaFB: Pure magic.
Whoopi: There ya go.
WaFB: Cooooool.
Whoopi: Grab my hand, hon.  I’ll get us out of here.  I was too freaked by Williams to correctly gauge my trajectory.
What a Fool Believes looks sad and doesn’t offer his hand.
Whoopi: What’s wrong?
WaFB: I wanted to do something special for your birthday but you’re a genie.  What can I do for someone who has magical powers?
Whoopi: I could think of something.
Whoopi offers her hand again.
WaFB: Really?
Whoopi: Oh yeah.  C’mon.
What a Fool Believes smiles and takes her hand.  Flash of light.
End Scene.

The Ritz Carlton
Bathroom
Flash of light.  What a Fool Believes enters.
What a Fool Believes looks around the hotel bathroom.

WaFB: Whoopi?
A splash from the bathtub.
Whoopi Goldberg emerges from the bathtub.


Whoopi: AARRRRRR!!!
WaFB: AHHHHH!!!  AHHHHH!!!
Whoopi: Hahaha!
WaFB: AHHHHH!!!  AHHHHH!!!
Whoopi: Ok, ok!  It’s me, Whoopi.  You’re a damn baby.
WaFB: Oh!  Whoopi!  I thought you were Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”.
Whoopi: What the hell’s scary about that?
WaFB: That was the scene when she ate Richard Gere with her monster mouth - in the bathtub.
Whoopi: I don’t know what movie you’re talkin’ about but it ain’t “Pretty Woman”.
WaFB: I’ve got a Director’s Cut.
Whoopi: Oh.  Anyway.  You wanted to do something special for me for my birthday, right?
WaFB: Oh boy!  Pleasepleaseplease!
Whoopi: Well?
WaFB: Bathe you?!  HOORAY!!!
What a Fool Believes grabs a wash cloth and begins to bathe Whoopi.
WaFB: Happy Birthday Whoopi.
Whoopi: Thanks…whatever your name is.  Don’t forget my feet.
End.

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